LOXLEY

...And he looked deep into my eyes
and he said "YOU are the center of my universe
I have loved YOU always"
I pressed my head into his and assured him that I was here
as I had always been here

and he looked deep into my heart
and he asked me "How much do you love me?"
and I stroked his face, smoothing closed his eyes as I replied
"With all my heart..."

and then, he looked deep into my soul
and he asked me
"Do you love me enough to let me go?"

and I held him close and replied softly....
yes.......

Until we meet again on the far side of the bridge my beautiful beautiful boy.....

Winston lost his short battle with an aggressive cancer on April 6, 2007. Just one month from the initial diagnosis and surgery, he was gone. Hardly enough time to even comprehend that we were going to have to part...

He came into my life at the age of 8 weeks, a gift from one of my best friends. He was all I could have hoped for from the very beginning. He had a short show career, attaining two points before suffering an injury that necessitated him being retired at the age of only 2. That was ok, as he was my buddy, and his health and happiness was FAR more important than all the titles in the world.

From the very beginning, he was a nearly perfect companion. He had only one "accident" in the house as a puppy, and that was the first day...before I understood what he was telling me. He only chewed one shoe, ever. His biggest "no-no" was getting on the sofa or bed when I wasn't paying attention. Raised with a houseful of IGs, he never quite got the concept that he wasn't little too.

One of his favorite pastimes was car rides. He would sit in the back seat with his bottom in the seat, his feet on the floorboard and his chin propped up on the back of the passenger's headrest. Even on his last day on this earth, he still was eager to ride.

Just days before the end, he trucked around the back yard while "Dad" worked in the garden. He came to the gate when I checked on them, and to my amazement, gifted me with a play crouch (you know the one...with the front legs splayed out, head down and butt in the air)...WOOWOOed at me and spun in a few circles before "galloooping" off to another adventure. For that brief moment, I saw the young Winston again. I will forever hold that image in my mind and heart and thank him for that gift.

His last day was a beautiful Spring day, with sun and birds singing all around...flowers and trees in bloom, and a soft breeze. We spent a lot of time in the back yard, saying goodbye and enjoying one another's company (and some of the foods he enjoyed the most...including strawberries). The poem above was what transpired during one of our quiet moments on that day. It was him telling me it was time, even if I wasn't ready.

Setting him free from the pain that he had started to endure was the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time, but...it was the right thing to do. It was the last act of absolute love that I could do for him. He would have given his life for me at any point, and I owed him the chance to leave this world with dignity, and in the arms of the one person he loved with all his heart. The last sound he heard was my whispered goodbyes and promises to join him again when it was time for me to go.

My heart is heavy with grief, but I know that my boy is safe, and sound, and waiting for me.